I’m just going to cover up some pimple marks This one has been really stubborn, but I’ve gotten it to go down and be less red I’m assuming if you guys click to this you guys have seen the new Red Velvet – Why is this so dark? I feel like I’ve gotten darker in the past like two days or something Anyways, um, I’m assuming you guys have seen the new red velvet video for “Psycho” I’m trying to do Seulgi’s makeup I know everyone really loves Irene’s makeup in it and i do too I got to rep the monolid community so I’m gonna do so seulgi’s makeup her little teardrop makeup thing looks really pretty I feel like that was a really popular trend this year or something because of euphoria sorry, I just want to like flatten this down because hers is like really flat against her face. It’s actually really hard to do. I have so much hair spray So I brought really limited number of palettes with me, but I did bring this one. This one is in divine skies eyeshadow palette from emcosmetics and…. looks like this and her like eyeshadow is kind of pinkish, but it’s very light so I’m gonna be light handed with it So I’m using this lighter pink color right here I thought that this video would be very fitting for the end of the year because I did want to just talk about Sorry, if you can hear a bunch of pots and pans. My mom is making bi bim bap! But I wanted to talk about… crap my eyebrows! So I want to talk about how I have been very like I’ve been very uncomfortable with myself and like what I want to do like I think I filmed like three videos on this topic already and I never posted them because I feel like I didn’t really articulate very well what I Was trying to say and also just like sometimes it feels really vain to do “get ready with me” like a makeup looks while like talking about my feelings but I thought this one was really fitting because they were like a tear drops So it’s like a sad topic. I don’t mean to end the year on the sad note… but I do want to be honest about how i’ve been feeling to be honest I feel like I didn’t end 2019 on the best note like I’m really excited – or I guess I am because I’m like going to Paris and stuff This is the colourpop brow pencil, by the way. I’m going to Paris which is really exciting, and I’m very grateful and everything And so that part was very very like it’s a great way to end the year But I think just like my overall feeling has been… I’m gonna use this shimmery pink color on my eye next But I feel like my overall feeling has been kind of Not as great just because um, I don’t know I feel like I’ve been dealing with a lot of sense of being a failure Oh, that’s really pretty. I feel like that looks really really close to her thing (look) I didn’t bring a lot of glitter stuff. sorry I’m going back and forth on what I want to talk about, but I didn’t bring a lot of glitter stuff. but I did bring this… This is the diamond – this is a really weird name. But this is the diamond shart by the kimchi chic beauty And it is called “my stage” and I kind of did like a test run and I think it will look okay… I’m really scared… what if I mess up? Okay, okay Wait, I feel like I need to put a bit of concealer here before I put that on but I was saying that I have been feeling like a failure a lot this year just because well one I have this whole video planned out where I was going to just document myself like Embarking on new things. I didn’t know what I was gonna call it yet, but basically i’m starting to bake which is really fun. Like I baked my first banana bread from scratch I’m just trying to like do things that I actually want to do because I’ve been so unhappy lately just like I’m gonna just keep trying new things and see what I really love doing and maybe I can figure out what I truly – like what my other avenues of passion are because I love YouTube and stuff but because it’s like my source of income it’s very very stressful and I do want to … this kind of rolls into the next thing I do want to like find some other work for money And so I’ve been applying to a lot of jobs lately and I got rejected from every single one except for one Well, I still got rejected but I got an interview like I got rejected right off the bat from the other ones for this interview The one I got an interview for they gave me an interview, so I was really grateful I don’t know if I’m gonna be able to talk while I do this. i’m hesitating so much You guys are probably like get on with it already! If you guys haven’t tried this diamond shard stuff if you’re looking for like a shimmery eyeshadow Especially for like, you know how people do inner corner eyeshadows This one. Oh my gosh. It’s so good. It does not move throughout the day Because the problem with other shimmers is that it just kind of dies after a while, but this one does not What do you guys think? I feel like we’re having very limited amount of makeup and only this I did a pretty good job Okay, I’m gonna do the rest of my eyes now that i got the hard part out of the way I was very inspired to make this video because of this tweet it was like it had a picture seulgi in this makeup look and it said this is how ” this is how bad bitches cry” I was like, that IS how bad bitches cry anyway, so I’ve been dealing with a lot of failure and rejection I got that interview from that job place and oh my gosh. I’m like a little bit annoyed because I So I did the interview with them and they asked me a lot of questions like “What would you do for like this?” And “what would you do for us?” like basically how i would change their work so that it could be better. I just like don’t want to be too specific Anyways, um, I did the interview and then a lot of of my ideas I noticed that they start implementing them over the past week and I was just like, after my interview, and I was like mmm in my heart, I was kind of like I feel like they just interviewed me because they wanted like ideas like a consultant and then they didn’t hire me in the end They’re really nice, but it just kind of hurt my feelings. I guess like I was I felt a little bit used anyway, so I was really really upset about that talk and then I didn’t get it but I was like I just felt like ughhhh i just felt like I Wanted to talk about it because not everyone gets like every job that they apply for and failure is a part of life I’m realizing this now after time has passed I’m like, I feel less sad about it now so I could talk about it. I’m gonna do mascara. I have this PMEL thing for the lash base then this ILIA, this is like my new favorite mascara so anyways, I dealt with that and then I also dealt with Another like form of rejection, I guess So I’m in like trying to move Before anyone asks, it’s not because like I don’t like living with Jimmy or anything I love living with Jimmy but he’s in this stage in his life where he’s like he has a lot of stuff that he has to do for himself like Business School is very You know making new friendships and relationships and stuff like that and I can only kind of take part in that part of his life so much and I also feel like but I also feel like I’m just not doing much in Berkeley. It kind of feels like I’m just waiting around for him again kind of how I felt when I meant to San Francisco I felt like I wasn’t doing very much and I was just kind of following his life and I don’t really want to do that again, and I also This sounds really Like a weird thing to say, but I feel like if I wasn’t with him during this time Like he could get more out of Business School in the sense of time because I feel like he always wants to make sure that I’m included in everything and like that you know, and basically like I just don’t feel left out of the community, but I but i feel like bad because this is a time for him and you know his this is like a big like stage in his life basically is what I’m trying to say and I just feel like It must be stressful for him to always have to think: “oh, I want to make sure Hana feels included” “Oh, I need to go home and make sure hana is not lonely at home” kind of you know like that? going to contour my nose a bit with this. This is Fenty in Inda Sun But yeah, so that was like part of the reason I wanted to go and then a big part is like I’ve never lived without him before and so I kind of want to experience that once before we settle down I think I’ve got makeup in my eye again So anyways, I was looking for a new place to live And I found this like perfect place and it but it was really far away so I couldn’t go see it So I asked my friend to go see it I like texted the person and I FaceTime to them and I was like I felt like I expressed a large interest in the place. I was very very excited about it I felt like it was the most perfect place and at the time I was like I kind of felt like oh if I get this internship It would be great because then I could just move into this place I really love it’s really close to the office and like blah blah And anyways, I was very excited about it and then like the day before so I talked to her on a Friday and then I told my friend and my friend was like I can go see it Sunday because I was like Please go see it as soon as you can. I don’t want to lose this place. He’s like yeah, sure I’ll go Sunday and she’s like, yeah for sure Let me book you guys for Sunday. So she did and then she texted me at Saturday 2 a.m And was like hey – or basically Sunday, I guess – she was like hey Somebody just to put a deposit on the place so you can’t see it anymore. I was like I Just wish she gave me a heads-up. Like if she had I would have just like paid the deposit right there But anyways life happens and it didn’t work out I was really really sad about that and then like the next day I found out I didn’t get the job It was just very overwhelming. She looks like she doesn’t really have that much blush on So…. but I feel very naked without it though. I’m gonna put a little bit on I have this from Em cosmetics. It is in “heavens glow magic hour” I Don’t wanna Go over or smear the eyeshadow and since she looks so ethereal, I’m gonna put some highlighter on my nose and here Anyway, so that’s like kind of a list of all the big rejections or like failures that I felt and it just for like this whole year that kind of stuff has been happening and it just makes me feel so it’s made me feel very insecure and way less confident and like my Abilities, I guess I just feel like I don’t really know what to do now. I don’t know what I want to do What’s the right thing to do? Because it feels like the whole universe is closing all these doors on me and so it’s just been like a very very stressful time, but then I wanted to make this video because the first times I made this video I was just like ranting and complaining and I was Like very angry and I was like, I don’t know what I want to do. And then I watched it. I was like… I don’t want to put that up But now that i’ve like I didn’t really post for a week which feels like a long time for me Cuz I was like taking a break But I was like thinking people Go through things like this all the time. Like you’re not gonna get everything that you want even if you work hard That’s just not how life works. And so I I kind of just decided and told myself that you know, this is not a time to just give up what you want to do and I’ve never really been that kind of person so I’m not going to I feel like it’s just maybe just timing like I’m just gonna wait for the right timing to like when it feels right and not force things and just keep going after opportunities cuz it’s better to just have the opportunities than not and I don’t know. Let’s just kind how i feel like… I do feel really low and down from all the Just feeling like I can’t do anything But I don’t want to like just stop because it’s kind of like when I started my youtube channel I was talking to my mom yesterday. She’s like I really felt like I don’t she basically was like I had no faith in you like I honestly I I thought you were gonna fail and then I was just waiting for you to fail so you could go back to school And get a real job and then she was like But I’m honestly like so proud of you that you kept doing what you wanted to do and you just keep you know Living your life like that and I was like this Was a big step for my mom because like my whole life that was basically like be a doctor be a doctor it’s like she just was like my both my parents like really wanted me to do something like that and like when she said I kind of like clicked with me like I feel very I don’t know how to explain it. Like I’m very proud of myself for not giving up like looking back it is a very unsure time and I’m so proud of myself and it’s kind of like the same thing now like I’m going through a lot of like, um, turmoil and feeling like I’m failing at everything but I Will look back I think and I will pat myself on the back for keeping going, you know? I just figured I kind of talked about my thought process because I feel like a lot of people are going through something like this, you know Also, I’m using this this is a Magic Hour. I think it’s a infinite lip cloud from em cosmetics This is the only like light pinkish lipstick that I have it’s just a little darker than hers but it’s ok So I think I tackled everything. This is a pretty eas look to be honest I’m going to put a little highlighter on the top of my lip There we go anyways this is the finished look I feel like I did a pretty good job anyways, I hope you guys like this look and I hope that if you’re kind of struggling with 2019 and like the end of it just know that I have a lot of people are going through it I’m going through it and I know my stuff might sound smaller than yours and sorry if it sounds like I’m comparing My struggles or whatever. I know people have it like much worse than me but I figured like other people might be going through the same thing and And it’s always nice to know that you’re not like by yourself and that this is kind of just a life process that’s how I feel when you guys tell me that you’re coming through the same thing I’m like, I guess this is just a part of life But yeah, try to end the last bit of 2019 on a good note. I’m gonna be in Paris by now, I think (i’m not in paris yet! I leave friday!) And I’ll keep you guys updated on our vlog Channel. Anyways, I love you guys. You are all bad bitches That was such like a baby way of saying that word bad bitches! but anyways I’ll talk to you guys next time. Bye. oh and stream psycho!